How doulas and partners work together: guest post by dr. abigail jorgensen
One of my very favorite people in the birth world is Dr. Abigail Jorgensen, known online as Abby the Sociologist Doula. She is a birth and bereavement doula, an assistant professor of sociology, the author of A Catholic Guide to Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss, and founder of Haven Bereavement Doulas. I’m currently enrolled in Haven Bereavement Doula training, and getting to spend two hours via zoom with her every week has been pretty amazing.
This article is reposted here with her permission.
How doulas and partners work together (or, Why I love being the third wheel)
Partners and doulas can create a dream labor support team. While they do fundamentally different things, they can build off each other in beautiful and transformative ways.
A partner, while working to support someone giving birth, may also be experiencing the birth of their own child! And, while having a partner means that the person giving birth has someone to support them, sometimes it means that the partner goes without their own valuable support.
As a doula, I get to support not just my client but also their partner. Also, as a professional, I get to take on some of the tasks and concerns partners may have, freeing them up from “working” the birth to better experience the birth. (To see what I mean, check out this reel on Instagram.)
The types of support doulas and partners provide to someone differ, too. As a doula, I get to bring my expertise and knowledge about birth to a support team. But I’m not an expert in my client; often I’ve never even met them before our interview! Usually, the best expert in my client is their partner. So, before a birth, I love getting to learn from partners about how the client responds to discomfort or what pain management techniques might be most helpful. I also really enjoy getting to answer partners’ questions about labor and delivery, to increase their sense of agency and preparation and decrease any anxiety.
During a birth, I love getting to help partners engage in the ways they feel most comfortable. For example, sometimes someone doesn’t want to see anything from the waist down and doesn’t really know what they can do within their comfort zone. My repertoire of labor support techniques mean that I can give them options for support that meet their needs! Or, someone might want to watch me do a hip squeeze and then take over and learn how to do it themselves. Or, someone might need to take a break and run home for a shower or get a little sleep; I can make all those things happen. And then, when baby is born and the family gets to be all together on the outside for the first time, I step back and marvel.
After birth, I have a special opportunity as a doula. Postpartum is a tumultuous time for a whole family, and sometimes partners are forgotten. I am always grateful for the chance to check in with partners to see how they’re feeling and what questions they have.
Overall, as a doula, I’ll never provide my client with that specific kind of intimate love and support a partner can provide. That’s why I love getting to work with partners. And, when I do, I get to provide partners with the birth expertise, creativity, companionship, rest, and information they need in order to be confident and comfortable.
I like to say that a couple heading into labor, birth, and postpartum is like a bicycle. Adding a doula is like adding a third wheel! A tricycle is more stable than a bicycle. So even though those two wheels can work wonderfully together, that third wheel can help smooth out the ride.
Follow Abby on Instagram, check out her website, read her book, or learn more about Haven Bereavement Doulas.
Christine Rogers is a birth, postpartum, and bereavement doula and childbirth educator. She is the owner/operator of Draw Near Doula Services and serves in-person in Anchorage, Eagle River and the Mat-Su Valley region of Alaska. A mom of four, she works hard to ensure every client she serves has a positive and empowering birth experience. She can be reached online at www.drawneardoula.com, or emailed directly at drawneardoula@gmail.com.
Looking for more birth planning resources? Check out my free Birth Preferences Worksheet and free Guide to Choosing A Care Provider!
